I am sitting in a half empty shell of a home at the threshold of a new year with a sense of wonder as to how everything changed in the last 12 months. I have learned such a lot and have done so much that I didn’t even know I was capable of.
I am struggling to put anything into words, I am typing and deleting constantly to try and find the expression to sum up the seismic changes my life is going through. So yes, let’s start with the small things. I have quietly been taking back control of me. I have made my body be more active and I have seen some exciting results. I have learnt to run and have run 5km a few times. Other stuff has got in the way the past month and a half but I did it and now that I know I can it will be much easier to do it again and again and better myself.
There was a time whilst my partner was applying for his new job that I basically hid my head in the sand. This change might not happen. I know that I did this for self preservation because anxiety throws me for a loop when big things happen I managed to park this huge stuff until it was the right time to deal with it. Whether it was a good or healthy way to deal I’m not sure, it certainly stopped me panicking and trying to work out every eventuality for something I could not foresee. In recent weeks when we’ve been house-hunting and moving and I’ve picked up the job hunting baton my friends have been invaluable.
The new job is this nebulous thing at the moment. It is the unknown but it is so shiny with expectation and possibilities I can’t wait to get there and to start that chapter of my life. Part of me feels like how does a girl from deepest darkest Shropshire end up working at somewhere prestigious and even now I’m not sure I can tell you. On the other hand the old job is ten more days of very hard work and then handing it back. That feels strange. I’ve put such a lot of myself into my work at school that letting go will be quite difficult.
And then there’s London. I’ve visited London a fair bit, but living there will be something else. Being a commuter but the theatre and the museums and the galleries I am so excited about all of the culture. Also friends so many friends based down there already I’ll be able to meet and go for a coffee with and this gives me such joy.
2017 for a lot of people has been a horrible year. But it is the year that has enabled me to make changes and grow. 2018 I’m embarking on the next stage of my life and I hope you will all be with me. I feel a lot of hope, that on the larger scale things can change if we all demand that it happens.